A PetSmart groomer has been arrested for animal cruelty after a 1-year old Dachshund died while in his care. Henry had been brought in for a simple grooming appointment and ended up with two broken ribs and a punctured lung, as revealed by post-mortem X-rays. Even though an on-site vet was brought in to tend […]
If grief were a color, it would be slate. Not an angry obsidian black, or a peaceful dove grey, but that shapeshifting silver somewhere between black and white, a stormy sea that some days seems blue, others almost brackish, depthless and impossible to truly describe.
If it were a shape, it would be a spiral, a shape you ride on in a neverending loop of centrifugal force splattering you against the wall whether you will it or not, bringing you back again and again to the same spot, from a slightly different vantage point.
I imagine that grief counselors are well versed in this, which is why every bad day seems to be preceded by a call from the chaplain, who senses it like a dog knows an earthquake is coming. The last one had come just before Christmas.
“It’s Chaplain Gary. How are you?”
“Fine.” And I am fine, until I remember that I’m supposed to be upset, and then I am.
The most recent call came on the one year anniversary, if you can call it that, of the date my mother became ill. The season has returned to set the backdrop for the nightmare month of May: lengthening days, long afternoons, and the scent of blooming jasmine wafting over the chairs in the backyard that I’ve rarely gone to sit in since the night my mother died. When I sat blankly until 2 am, staring at a candle and wishing for her parents to come and spirit her away from this earth as her breath rattled slowly away.
We went to the beach for Mother’s Day last year, spending a night in an oceanfront bungalow that would normally be way too indulgent for an innocuous holiday, but I had a rare and terrible gift: knowing that this was my last one.
I had only this one day into which I must pour every future Mother’s Day of which we were being robbed. And because I had to continually remind myself to be there in that moment, instead of thinking ahead to the years her chair would be empty, I could notice things I would probably not normally observe in my hypervigilant state: my mother’s hair, so different from mine, her dainty nose which I did not inherit, the way her hands would gently enfold the kids whenever they came into her line of vision. She was beautiful inside and out.
And Here We Are
One year later, I’ve come full circle to that spot I knew I must return to, and dread. It’s been there all along, these memories, receding into the shadows of the changing season and coming out again this spring to say hello. I see my friends post stories and pictures with their mothers, having recently entered into that comfortable spot in life where they can be totally honest and laugh about anything, and I feel an almost painful sense of longing remembering the small moments with my own mother I had come to treasure.
We met for lunch often, once the kids were older and in school. Our lunches were something my husband would always dread, because they were always followed by wandering into a store where she never, ever, ever talked me out of impractical things. Because of her, I own a snazzy chain link belt and a pair of Frye boots that I would never have bought on my own. It’s a silly thing, boots, but I love them. They suit me, as she said they would. They are happy boots. They are sad boots.
I know, because people have been tremendously generous with sharing their own stories, that this longing for more time will never go away. You never entirely forgive the universe for taking a treasure from you, even when you know anger is useless. It sucks and it will always suck, even when I’m an ancient crone cruising around on a walker.
But I cannot be anything but grateful that I had a mother whose love was so encompassing that to lose her has left me devastated. How many of us worry that if we were gone, no one would care? She never did.
Every year was a gift and a marvel. While her physical form is gone, Mom surrounds me in a thousand little ways, from the whistle of a teakettle to the smell of a cookie, the joy in a beautiful sunset, the strength to do what needs to be done. She’s here. In some form or another, love remains.
To those celebrating Mother’s Day this weekend, my love goes to you. Take a deep breath and really experience it, be you the recipient or the giver. And if you are hurting and dreading the day, don’t be afraid to run away from the brunches and the flower shops, the rituals and the intact families, the resentment and the sorrow. Find a place that brings you peace. Buy some sad boots. Go to the beach. Sit in a forest. Sadness means you loved deeply, and that has its own kind of beauty.
And wherever you go, don’t forget to take your dog.
I live one county over from Gadsden County, FL. Conditions have not improved. There us no public adoption. It is merely a hold and die or kill facility.
BAD RAP Blog
Not content with six Shelties, this lady has dogs on her handbag – and what’s she got painted on her fingernails? Perhaps dog faces …
Four of the Michael Vick dogs went on to become certified therapy dogs. I wish that could be mentioned in every article about these dogs.
BAD RAP Blog
I love hosting parties, but I started thinking the other day about how long it’s been since I threw or helped plan a party during spring or summer – aka the most wonderful time of the year. Everyone in our family has birthdays in the winter (or for my husband, on the first day of spring, which sort of doesn’t count), my baby showers were both in the fall, our wedding was in the fall, and any large gatherings we’ve hosted have somehow also fallen in autumn or winter. I admittedly don’t have an occasion for which to throw a party this spring or summer either, but that didn’t stop me from perusing party ideas online that fit the season. And now I’m convinced I need to figure out a way to host (or at least help plan) something, because any sort of celebration that involves friends and warm weather and the joys of this time of year sounds like something I’d really enjoy putting together.
During my party planning searches, I started looking into invitations, and man did I get sucked in. I love (I mean love) the invitation aspect of party planning. Invitations are the spark of a party’s fire you guys. They’re the first taste of what’s to come. They set the tone for the occasion. They’re important, and if you appreciate design, they’re one of the very best parts of celebration planning. I decided to save some of my favorite invites with a spring and summer vibe – whether the colors, design itself, or occasion – all of which you can see in the collage above. There’s just something about a celebration in the spring and summertime.
Each of the invite designs you see here come from a company I recently discovered called Basic Invite. I immediately fell in love with them because in addition to carrying thousands of different invitations, cards, and stationery items, they allow you to customize everything – from design to font to colors to text to envelopes and more. They offer almost unlimited color options and instant previews, so you can make sure you are creating an invitation that is exactly what you want, down to the smallest detail. There are over 40 different colors of envelopes (the first thing your guests see) too. They are also one of only a few websites that allows you to order a printed sample of your actual invitation so you can (literally!) see it on paper before you place your order. And if you’re planning a wedding, they offer over 200 (yes, 200) wedding invitation sets. I sure wish I’d known about Basic Invite when I was hunched over on the floor at 3 AM hand folding wedding invites I’d designed and printed myself because I couldn’t find a company that had the detailed customization options I wanted. They also have a huge selection of gorgeous save the dates and bridal shower invitations.
Now I just need a reason to host a party in the next four months. Any suggestions?
This post is in partnership with Basic Invite. Thank you for supporting the brands that help make Bubby and Bean possible.
In advance of the quickly growing wildfire in Fort McMurray, Alberta, some people had to leave their pets behind as they fled to safety. CBCNews is reporting that hundreds of the animals have now been rescued. According to the Facebook page of Fort Mac Fire – Pet Rescue, those who wished to help the animals […]